Thursday, February 06, 2014

NOT YOUR STANDARD PSA- Zucchinis and zombies

Ben Pauldine

 Ben P. - Ever talk to someone who thinks she's a gardening guru because of a bumper crop of zucchini? Sheesh, it's like a starchy weed. "And I only planted six plants!" Good night! Six zucchini plants could take over the world. "Where's the dog?" "I think the zucchinis got it. Reached right in the doggy door, choked 'im out, and hauled him off." Only six plants. Give me a break. I mean really, you could plant nothing but carrots and STILL get a couple zucchini. They're like mosquitoes—put out a little water and it just shows up.

Elise - Tell me about it! I only planted three, and yet they have practically taken over BOTH raised beds - and they're only PLANTED in the one. Then the other day, I was taking old sawdust out to the manure pile behind the barn and realized... "Hey, those leaves... and those flowers... how did THAT get there?" Yeah, there's a "wild" zucchini growing in the brush behind the manure pile. That makes me a little nervous.

Ben - They're coming for you. If they were perennial plants, we'd be in BIG trouble. After the zombpocalypse, the zucchini would have outlived the zombies and the cockroaches. It'd be all Planet of the Apes meets Veggie Tales. For now, I'd play it safe and give the "wild" plant an offering. Maybe some zucchini bread.

Elise - Would that not anger it and incite wrath, though? I would not think it would be pleased to see its brethren shredded and cooked. Or have they rounded the bend toward cannibalism now?

Ben - It's the ostensible gift combined with the subtle, yet credible, threat that will keep the vegetables in line. If the Aztecs had offered Cortés some Conquistador soup upon landing, history may have unfolded differently.

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